Oh hello there, you neglected blog, you. I have so much I need to catch up on like....how my baby turned 3...4...and 5 months! And how we went apple picking in Oak Glen and started taking Mommy n Me classes, but all that will have to wait because I have something on my mind.
I try to seek inspiration from the Lord on life decisions. I figure He knows what's up. I can distinctly recall the feelings to pursue a nursing degree. I can distinctly recall the feeling to start our little family. Now that both of those have been accomplished, I'm feeling a little lost. I feel very strongly about being a full-time mom. I want my baby to wake up knowing I'll be there to take care of her. I want her to trust this, to have me to comfort her, meet her needs and help her learn and grow. I love being home with her, more than I ever thought I would. I revel in every baby smile and snuggle. I live to kiss every chunky baby roll!
I also feel the need to be a nurse. I don't know why. I have tried and tried to ignore this feeling because I just want to be a mom. But it creeps up and nags. Oh how it nags. Many of my nursing school friends are landing amazing new jobs in hospitals. I'm so excited for them! Part of me wants to be announcing that I've landed some awesome new job too, but the thought of being away from my baby for 12 hour shifts just makes me feel like I've got rocks in my stomach and a broken heart.
I guess all I can do is pray and seek inspiration. To keep looking for the right situation so I can find that happy medium where I'm not nagged about neglecting my nursing or have rocks in my innards about leaving my sweet babe. But for the moment I'm feeling incredibly torn.